Saturday, November 8, 2008

Growing Up

Ahhhhhhh.  The show is open.  I didn't blog all week 'cause I was working long hours and all was focused on surviving.  I did get a bit of play time with the boys, though.  We charged up and down Hamm hill and played in the new "clean" dirt that got poured in  our big hole after septic cleansing.  These pics are from a warm day earlier in the week.  This morning was actually totally frosty white outside.
The play came off well.  I wasn't sure if the audience would follow us back and forth between on and off air scenes and between humor and pathos, but the feeling from the stage was that they did.  There were some intrusive laughs that were welcome, but changed our rhythm a bit.  It was so good to bring the audience in.  They're crucial in this story.  A few of my Dutch words need a bit more help on pronunciation, but I got all my lines and my voice didn't pop!  Hallelujah!  
It's a strange skill for me to moderate my output.  It used to be that it was all GIVE GIVE GIVE... and now it's HOLD ON and STAY EVEN -- at least at times.  It's an odd state.  I find myself more grounded and not so flighty.  Even all week in rehearsal, I wasn't joining in with the antics and gooney fun with my scene partners side stage with the tech focus.  It was an interesting place for me.  I love to be goony and cut loose with the ensemble, but I quietly just wanted to work.  This feeling stayed with me all through opening.  Have I lost my mirth? -- No.  Have I lost my youth?  --I don't think so.  But I am growing up.  I kinda like it.  I don't need the approval so much when I know it for myself.  Hummm.  Of course the singing humbles me and keeps me focused so this show is never easy.  And even with the text, I must stay engaged or I'll "fall off my trolly". 
Afterwards I was congratulated on my voice by a few ladies.  I shared with them my struggle.  How scared and difficult it is for me to trust and be free and they looked confused.  I'm realizing they don't want to hear that, or at least they don't get it.  They don't believe me.  I need to smile and give them a genuine "thank you" and leave it at that.  I am in the role and it is working.  Nothing that smacks of apology is needed.  Here is another area where I can grow up.

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