Life is muddy

The boys and Dave got a little outside time today.  It seemed to take a long time for our sense of a "day of rest" to begin.  It was a very busy Saturday with both of us leading a workshop with 18 visiting high school students from Saskatchewan and then 2 shows for me and a 5+ hour tech/dress rehearsal for Dave with Troy Women.

This morning at church was a drama ministry Sunday which also included the high schoolers; it was full.  There was a bit of confusion and some lateness and some dropped balls in our "pre-service" rehearsal and things were feeling tense and sad.

Then as the service progressed, things fell together.  Pieces came off well... particularly the one with the high schoolers!   But then I was so surprised when one of my students, who refused to show up earlier, suddenly appeared and he was able to present the psalm he has worked all term before communion.  He was tardy and he knew it... he had let us all down and I had scratched him off the service once it began, but when he finally showed up, just in the nick of time, I was so moved.  He walked forward in silence and did it.  The staging was so clear and simple: he held the wooden cross over his shoulders.  It's not too heavy, and it's a bit hard to balance, but this gave a wonderful challenge that was practical --he didn't have time to make the famous words of Psalm 51 too precious, he could only focus on the moment and his challenge.  "Have mercy on me, O God" he began, "on account of Your steadfast love..."  He then went on to cry out from his heart a song of confession.  It was palpable.  Of course, only a few knew how relevant his words were personally, but it was stunning.  Late in the psalm after he cries out for help, two women in the class were staged to lift the cross off him and set it upright.  The release at this moment was another wonderful, simple beautiful truth.  I was so relieved.  I think it helped us all go into communion with a more humble spirit.

We then shared lunch with the Hamm's and finally laid down to rest at our own abode at about 4pm while the boys watched a Veggie Tales video on our bed.  Where had the day gone?

At least they got in some soccer outside before dinner.  (Total leftovers right and left! - but hey, it was food.)  We start recovery of house and home tonight and into tomorrow as Dave has 10 hours of rehearsal.... whew.

The boys are real stinkers right now with us being focused on projects.  They don't respond well to our requests and are very rambunctious, rude, and uncooperative.  It's stressful.  Both Dave and I lose our tempers and are tired out with having to make them follow through on what we've said.  It's emotionally exhausting and a bit demoralizing.  I long for the sweet times.  But the boys don't seem ready to give right now.  They're too worried about getting their wants and trying to bend their privileges further.  I know I put up adorable pictures of them on this blog, but that is not their constant state.  But yes... it makes me smile.

Especially seeing Weston turn our tent box into the world's largest helmet!  Note his "fierce face" one.  Ha!

Later the boys and Dave finally settled down for quiet reading, but long after we were supposed to, and after losing movie privileges for two days!!  Poor souls.  But computers and movie are just not as helpful as soccer.  The ground is really wet and muddy right now.  We still have a puddle in the ditch in our backyard which Weston finds irresistible.  We go throug two pairs of his pants, socks and boots everyday.  The clothes tumbling into my wash are are coated with mud.  But somehow... this seems right.

Just like Dave and I trying to shuffle our home life with our leadership responsibilities with the school, it gets muddy knowing who to disappoint.  You can't achieve everything you hope for without letting go of something else, so you make the best decisions you can each moment and hope others will be forgiving.  You end up taking time with whoever or whatever ends up in front of you give what you can, trusting your boys will be fine until they come find you.

This is a busy time.  And life is muddy.  Thank God for a washing machine and a second pair of clothes.  It's bound to be better than everything staying squeaky clean without exploration or interaction.  I guess my mess is a result of my stress, but also my endeavors to live --fully.