Ha. This picture cracks me up. Weston is scowling because I made him wear his smart blazer to Brad and Emily's wedding. Donovan didn't seem to mind the long sleeved button-down tangerine striped shirt, so long as he could wear shorts! Later of course, his face was full of dust sticking to sunscreen. Saturday was full of sun and fun... for the boys. Mommy grumbled a lot and tried to get tasks done with small children yanking on her arm to read, to play, to let them go on the computer... etc. I do like playing with my boys, when they do what I want. Well, OK, I like doing what they want sometimes, too, but I knew I had to get us all packed and ready to head West for 9 days!!
That night at dinner Weston had a big spill and just stood there. I was so frustrated as the juice from the big green olive jar trickled down the leg of the table and into my slipper. Ha. That is so funny now! It's like a scene in a movie... Ha Ha. -but at the time I had no humor. I looked at Dave and we started mopping it up, Weston still frozen with surprise and regret. -No wonder I'm always moving glasses of juice away from elbows on my table. -I even moved Dave's back the other day as he reached for the salad. We met eyes and I tried to say, "sorry" with mine. I get more controlling when I'm left alone with the boys and it kinda bleeds over into meal time.
But then, Friday night, we suddenly had a fire on Hamm Hill. Some construction workers had been working on the new highway and one of them must have tossed a cigarette on the dry grass. Now we know what it means to "take off like wild fire." Suddenly fire was leaping from clumps of tall grass to other patches. Construction guys were running wildly, pounding it out with their shovels, but it kept springing up again, or in new places. By the time the fire department arrived more people were helping and it was pretty smoky. This picture is from much later of course when they sprayed with the huge hose. Thank Goodness. That hill is right up from our tiny neighborhood and the breeze was from the West, but usually we have a strong one from the north, which would have blown it right down toward us. --I didn't even know it was happening until Dave burst in from rehearsal saying, "Did you know Hamm Hill was on fire?" "NO" I said, trying to lift the pizza out of the oven without folding it in half. We all watched and were grateful to see it quickly taken care off. That night I thought, "Wow. That was quick. What if it happened in the night? We'd never know..."
Dave has been working steadily in rehearsal and it's all I can do to survive until he gets home. -I still crave working on my play and getting to have some time that is MINE. These little 21-minute blog entries are my only reprieve these days. That and taking a shower. That 's what it feels like. I had drafted Donovan to help load and unload the laundry and he kept complaining so much, I finally said, "Donovan, it's not fair that you are hounding me about coming to play with you when I"m struggling to get this task done so we can go. Do you realize the only things I do for myself are work? I don't get to play like you do." "Well, Mom... you play with us." "Yes. And sometimes I really enjoy it, but it's not like ME getting to play... do you understand?" I'm not sure he did. "Don't you like being with us?" I stopped. Sighed. "Yes." I do. I do love them dearly, -but I feel suffocated after a while. It feels like my life is a series of surrenders, and I don't like it. You'd think I'd get used to it, but as one who craves freedom and creativity and trying out new ideas, I feel stapled to the kitchen floor. I do enjoy our various creative endeavors together... but after a while, I just need some time to do something for myself.
I've seen this same need in Donovan, but lately I've really seen it in Weston, too. He is suddenly alive with ideas and ambitious projects. He can hardly be stopped. Yesterday he started making a log cabin with two rooms side by side: one for he and one for Donovan. He's squatting in the basement of his side in the picture.
I've seen this same need in Donovan, but lately I've really seen it in Weston, too. He is suddenly alive with ideas and ambitious projects. He can hardly be stopped. Yesterday he started making a log cabin with two rooms side by side: one for he and one for Donovan. He's squatting in the basement of his side in the picture. On Friday, the Lassen kids (Kai and Anika) sauntered by with their mom, Janice. They were off to Debbie's store for popsicles, so I offered them some of ours and we all had a little play date. Janice and I tried to chat while keeping a sideways glance on the kids and how their little community was ordering itself with three leaders. Poor Kai, being the youngest was ordered about by everyone, but he wasn't daunted. He was the most diligent helper in making hot chocolate soup out of mud. Oh, they found so many ingredients: grass, flowers, ("Herbs and mint"), water of course, and stir sticks, rocks, dirt, dirt, and more dirt. It was quite an enterprise that occupied a half hour of their time. No plastic toys, just dirt and water and a project.
That night at dinner Weston had a big spill and just stood there. I was so frustrated as the juice from the big green olive jar trickled down the leg of the table and into my slipper. Ha. That is so funny now! It's like a scene in a movie... Ha Ha. -but at the time I had no humor. I looked at Dave and we started mopping it up, Weston still frozen with surprise and regret. -No wonder I'm always moving glasses of juice away from elbows on my table. -I even moved Dave's back the other day as he reached for the salad. We met eyes and I tried to say, "sorry" with mine. I get more controlling when I'm left alone with the boys and it kinda bleeds over into meal time.
But then, Friday night, we suddenly had a fire on Hamm Hill. Some construction workers had been working on the new highway and one of them must have tossed a cigarette on the dry grass. Now we know what it means to "take off like wild fire." Suddenly fire was leaping from clumps of tall grass to other patches. Construction guys were running wildly, pounding it out with their shovels, but it kept springing up again, or in new places. By the time the fire department arrived more people were helping and it was pretty smoky. This picture is from much later of course when they sprayed with the huge hose. Thank Goodness. That hill is right up from our tiny neighborhood and the breeze was from the West, but usually we have a strong one from the north, which would have blown it right down toward us. --I didn't even know it was happening until Dave burst in from rehearsal saying, "Did you know Hamm Hill was on fire?" "NO" I said, trying to lift the pizza out of the oven without folding it in half. We all watched and were grateful to see it quickly taken care off. That night I thought, "Wow. That was quick. What if it happened in the night? We'd never know..." Last Sunday Pastor Ray spoke out God's Spirit as a wild fire... strong enough to jump the fire guards of race, culture, and enemy camps. What a vivid example we were given. He challenged us to watch for God's fire to ignite even those we may not be ready to listen to. Watch out, he seemed to say... "All we need is a good wind."
I hope to remember that in my daily struggles and in my courageous or foolish venture out West with just the boys. When I'm fatigued or feeling sorry for myself... it doesn't take long for something to right my perspective - like a fire that nearly destroys, or a thought that I'm not far from realigning my focus and being grateful for this time with my boys, even if it means putting my ambitions on hold sometimes. It's a difficult balance to know how and when to enrich myself so I can be more gracious.
God, I need a fresh wind; one I recognize as from You, even if it comes from another direction.
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