Remembering and Cleansing

I realized what it was today that was different.

It wasn’t just the thaw,

It wasn’t just the snow on the roads going from white to chocolate milk and even brownie dark,

It was the slush, slush, spatter, spatter as the trucks rumbled up the highway.

The quiet that had cloaked our valley was disentegrating on the roads and noise returned.

We’ve had a bit of of a holiday here during the month of November.

Remembrance Day, Parent Teacher interviews, Grandparents arriving and a couple snow days. It’s like a bit of summer again. Dave and I have been ever so tired in the evenings after the time change, but we have been grateful for the special family time.

Weston wrote his first poem, phonetically. He was so serious and sweet as he read it. He even inspired Donovan to write one too. They were both so profound to me. It was powerful to hear them grappeling with death and sacrifice and searching for purpose.

The boys have been enjoying some Saturday morning movies as well so Dave and I can both attend Grounding from 8:30-9am. They are so gleeful to be left home alone with such indulgence.

Snow has been a highlight for them. The first day it appeared they pulled back the curtain and said at the same time, “it snowed!” chiming in their sweet voices. It reminds me of Buechner when he says, “unless the child in you is completely dead”, you thrill to the first fresh snow (or something like that.)

When we travelled to Canmore with Mom and Dad it was very cold. Didn’t stop the boys from playing in the white stuff though, even if it meant red faces.

The boys love hotels: elevators, pools, television, movies, good food, no school and very few chores!

Now that we’ve returned to the Bud it’s hard to work.

The boys each took a warm bath last night. They’re so happy being submersed. It looked so inviting I thought I’d try it after they went to bed. --I can’t remember the last time I bathed in shower tub. I know I did it a few times when I was pregnant...

Well, it took me squeezing into the darn thing to remember: I’m too big! That’s why I don’t bathe! I can’t fit in the honkin’ jorgin’ tub. One part of me is always sticking out and getting cold!

I endured it anyway. No sense all that hot water going to waste, not to mention the bubble bath.

I found a way to relax and close my eyes. I nearly slept. I was quiet with my thoughts for a good 10-15 minutes before I realized it was dangerous to rest any longer. But as I lay there I pondered. Cleansing. Thirsty skin. Baptism. The washing of blood. Naaman in the river, the lame man at the pool of Bethesda, the blind man's rinse, a shedding of the old and new beginning. That’s what I desire. As I washed my body I tried to appreciate something about each part. To be thankful. Well, it was Thanksgiving, but it didn’t really feel like it, as we celebrated on Sunday. Nonetheless, I challenged myself to accept who I am without desiring to change. Interesting time of quiet.

The boys are sleeping now. Gosh they’re growing fast. They are so sophisticated with Star Wars now, they can tell me every character, planet, spaceship, weapon, and number. They’ve taken to filming. They designed crazy Christmas cards. I can’t keep up. I’m especially torn between my ambitions and their needs, and I’m a bit confused. I feel so encouraged and gracious after I have some of my own creative time, but it’s been hard to find lately.

I will try to let it go, but I need some discernment. Sigh.

A few more voice overs for myself and Donovan have been good.

Still more deaths connected to people in this valley losing loved ones. Not sure what to do about it, as though I should adjust something. At least it helps me treasure what I have, and again, not hold too tightly to things I don’t have control over.

Thank God The Secret Garden is doing well for Rosebud Theatre. Dave’s gone a lot, but I’m glad it’s giving to a lot of people.