When Your World is No Longer Tidy

 Today I embark on my Journey as Charlotte Walker in Selina Fillinger's drama Something Clean at the Oregon Contemporary Theatre in Eugene.
The story begins as Charlotte and her husband Doug return home after their son has entered prison for rape.

This play reveals the ripples of grief and dyfunction that surface when one's life is turned upside down. Charlotte is at a loss and tries to fix everything without acknowledging that she is in shock or recognizing her attempts to alleviate her own shame.

Before she can be of any help, Charlotte has to learn to see. Through the help of a friendly manager at the local safe house, we watch this white suburban housewife come to grasp the pervasiveness of sexual assault. We come alongside her fragility in suddenly finding she is not able to be touched by her husband. And we witness the beginning of her discovery of her privilege and helplessness.

This play is so relevent, poignant, and kind in its telling... I am humbled and honored to be a part of it.

And in other ways too I am so so grateful. For one, I get to work in my beautiful hometown of Eugene. Just walking around yesterday I saw so many sights that took my breath away and then allowed me to inhale deeply with appreciation. Everyone here is complaining about the cold, but to me it is balmy and vivid. Green, green grass, blue, blue sky, craggly tree branches with warty trunks reaching up -- some still with a few red or brown leaves, and the wet dark soil pierced with light green daffodil sprouts... oh it is a bouquet of lush splendor. It takes years of being away from this environment to really let it stop me in my tracks, so I hope I can hang on to this blessing. Even the new murals and mosaics are stunning.

And, I get to be near my boys, share meals and walks with my folks, and connect with old friends and hopefully make new connections as well. I am offered many comforts. And I am grateful.
But there are things here too that concern. There are dysfunctions and judgements and misunderstandings in the greater circles I tread in. Walking down beautiful Broadway in Eugene, there is also neglect and houselessness and hurt disguised as hatred hurled into the streets as I walk by. There is a sense of unease, injustice, vitriol and addictions. These are dynamics that are not as visible on the streets of my small hamlet in the frozen north, where I have often been tucked away on my couch with my fuzzy socks watching baking shows.

The day I left Alberta the roads were scary slick and unpredictable. Once strapped into my plane we were on the Tarmac in a blizzard in Calgary for another two and a half hours of de-icing and waiting for a plow and re-icing because of the delay, etc. etc. By the time we rose above the gray muck of winter I was surprised to see the sun. How do I forget that it is always up there shining, even when I can't see it?

I, like Charlotte, have a lot to learn and see.

The only hard part in leaving is leaving David. We have never been apart for more than 10 days. We have grown accustomed to eating every meal together, processing our days and nights together. This will be a new adventure for both of us, and we're actually a bit excited. Well, excited and scared. --And he does get to come down and spend the last three weeks of the seven with me here. But right now I just miss him.
To be honest, there are other hard parts about being here, but this is all for now.
A new adventure begins with
Oregon Contemporary Theatre