Sunday, July 15, 2018

Nothing to do but notice (#10)

I think this woman who is leading this year long course delights in disappointing.

She knows telling her readers to do NOTHING is surprising and exactly what they don't want to do.  It feels helpless.

She also knows that NOTICING will help.  And if we skip that step, no change will occur; we will continue in a habit of doing Nothing and then doing Something just to stop doing nothing.

This lesson was terribly brief.

She guided us through three questions of awareness of sensations in our bodies and once we noticed them, she had the gall to add:  don't do anything to fix or change them.

It's like she knew what we were thinking -"once I do this awareness thing, I'll know what to do" and what does she do?  She slaps our hand from reaching out to take dessert before the meal is done.

Sigh.

Notice... and sit in that.

Give the body a chance to adjust itself before asserting a conscious command of action.

Such a humble listening posture.

Notice.

I let go of some remainder of breath I had been holding.

My belly softens and new air falls in.

Notice.

My breath just slowed and got deeper.

Notice.

Feels good.

...

Today my boys premiere a 15 minute movie that have laboured on over 2 years.  They stayed up until 1:30 this morning setting it up at the theatre and feverishly working last minute changes in colour and sound.  They have already informed me at 8:30 this morning that they intend to continue to work through the day leading up to the big night.

Reminds me of Peter Jackson and the crew in New Zealand pulling all-nighters.  (We're film nerds to watch and re-watch the appendices of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit).

But my sons are only 14 and a newly minted 17.

I couldn't fall into a deep sleep last night until they returned home safely, even though it was a block away.  It didn't help that the night before in little old Rosebud, we learned of a car theft.  So sad.

The innocence of the hamlet preyed upon and my good friend Paul's jeep was the vehicle stolen.  A gift from his Uncle.

Alas.

Last night David locked our van in front of our house for the first time in 12 years.

There is no guaranteed safe place.

But I will continue to live searching for beauty and joy.

As I notice.

I watch my boys continue to take action as I breathe.  I pray for them.  They are stressed and they are about to taste the rewards of a job well done.  There must be a time like that coming for me too.  But for now...

I notice.

There is only one sunflower in our garden.  An Aslandy carmelly golden russet beauty.  It is a volunteer from last year and it is one of my favourite combinations of colour.

It stands in a line of 30, but it is the only to have opened to show its face.

I will notice.


I am this flower.  An early bloomer.  Standing alone.  Original and strong.  Silent and hopeful.  Waiting to be noticed?  Yes.  But whether I am or not does not change my beauty or who I am.  I have already weathered two storms.
Amen.



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