Is Comfort My Responsibility?

 I just came in from a short night walk.  It is a balmy 17 degrees celsius on this Nov. 1 night at 10:21.  It is so eerily beautiful and thoughtful out.  I walked up the middle of the highway and saw not a soul in sight the entire time.

Everyone behind their windows and in front of their screens.

Christmas lights bedeck the town here and there inviting the spirits of Christmas to swoop in and bless us without bringing the dreaded disease... or dis ease.  Actually we are growing accustomed to a measure of dis ease as non gathering becomes the general consensus of 2020.  A year offering not only hindsight but insight and lonely nights for a small theatre town.

My sorrow is near.  My first born is far.  My hope is mingled with disappointment and my anger can flare.

There are few who have the energy and grace to help me find peace.  It seems every day I must unpack more frustration that things are not what they should be.

And yet, there is much that I have been given and I could be grateful and live in these opportunities and trust and soldier on and do my ab exercises and lie in the grass and eat ice cream and create resourceful meals and... invest in what's right in front of me.

That's what happened the last time I prayed for more grace, almost daring God to dole it out, for surely He would see instead that I couldn't possibly be expected to stay in the game under these circumstances, not with these odds, not with these small minded people...

I'm asking Lord.

Show me the door or show me more.

Speaking of doors.  I saw my bunny lying on the floor beside a door.  It had leapt out of my bag in my haste and I didn't know I had lost it until today.  Alas.  Soft Paws was to be my comforter, my companion and I'm sorry to say I left him lying.

Perhaps some of my comfort has to be my responsibility.

Help me to see anew and to stand in the moment, trusting the vision and insight and clarity You have provided and life is refining for me.  It is within reach if I just take a breath and name what I see.

No need for disclaimers.

No more waffling with indecision.

Speak and dream and lead.

Help me.

And thanks.

And oh I miss my loved ones afar.

I can't imagine how long it will need to be before I return to where I started and see my family.

May the election be just another day in the world trying to do its best.

May I come to know my son before he leaves the nest.

May I see beauty and potential in what is right in front of me and be patient when a student is afraid.

Help me please.

Amen.