Here's Hoping

I'm so done for this week.  We survived the run through in costume and hair and heels and my voice only popped once.  (This is good.)  The boys made cartoon books tonight - four of 'em!  They just got on a roll!  Oh I wish we had two days off instead of just one.  There's a lot of details in the show; little things to remember in the transitions, in the way to sing each song and how we were last coached to adjust the tempo or breath or whatever.

We had a fun dinner with Cari and Alysa over.  It was leftovers again, but they tasted good, and with the extra Reece's peanut butter cups and pb chocolate ice cream we did well.  Both Cari and I have tired voices, I think Paul too.  Poor Paul was so flustered with all the transitions in the play... he had to speak over most of them.  It'll be good, though.  We just have to get more familiar with the script.  I still hate my hair all back-combed and full of spray, though.  Must make time for more showers.

I have a terrible urge to not attend the service part of church tomorrow.  I hope I can be discerning and brave.

My neck is stiff again.  I don't think walking and dancing on a raked stage in heels is good for my spine.  Monday I go in for a massage and an adjustment.  Here's hoping.  

Next week is THE week.  Opening week.  It's hard to know what to focus on most.  I know I need to rise to greater levels of availability and presence in my work on stage, but I also want to keep my family as balanced as possible with meals and sleep patterns.  And then there's the question of giving to the cast and crew "thanks" as we open.  Usually opening is stressful with nerves and fear with a full house.  One of my most nerve-wracking moments is taking a spontaneous question from the live audience.  So far I've done OK with the sample ones I've been tossed in rehearsal, but you never know what's going to come your way.  Of course I'm scared someone's going to ask me a question in Dutch and then my ignorance will really show.  But if I remember to just trust my first instinct and follow it through, it really can flow quite nicely.  Here's hoping.

My pictures today on my blog are from the bouquet of flowers on my table from Dave and Weston, and from our time visiting the hoodoos east of Drumheller in August.  They are phenomenal.  The one with Weston in the distance cracks me up because of his pose with DJ mid air.  It was so hot that day!  And now we have a fairly mild fall.  The furnace did kick on last night, but not until after 3am.  I know because I woke with the sound of it and couldn't get back to sleep for 2 hours.  Ugh!  So, I worked on my lines while I tried to breathe deep and fall asleep.  Thankfully the boys let Dave and I sleep in this morning for an extra hour and that was helpful, but I didn't get my routine of walk and exercise.  That would have helped my voice a lot, but I suppose sometimes sleep has to win out.

So, tonight is family night and it feels good.  We could be over at the community hall right now with a dance and costume party, but I'm glad we're just lying low instead.  We need to be near each other for a while.  ...Still not sure about church tomorrow after Sunday School, but I'm glad I'm done this week and in fairly good health.  Thanks Lord.

Here's Hoping.

My Men

Weston and Daddy are spending a lot of time together these days while Mommy is in rehearsal.  Dave's squeezing in sound design notes and managing most of the boys needs.  I struggled again with sleep and a SUPER dry throat from my antibiotics last night, so Dave kindly let me have a half hour nap on lunch break.

I'm so glad I froze some extra cookie batter from the other night.  There's nothing like a hot fresh cookie right after supper to help with the clean plate club.  Dave made a tasty tomato sauce with Italian sausage for supper out of our own toms.  

There's something quite remarkable about Weston.  When he's on his own, without big brother around, he often turns into a good little helper.  The other day he and David were out in the crisp fall air raking leaves and burning them on the fire.  Weston helped drag around the old electric mower like he was running it, but he also helped Dave with small tasks for about and hour and half!  He likes outdoor adventure and completing tasks, and although he may complain at first, once he gets started on a job, he works hard.  I so grateful to have these men in my life Little and Tall.  They give to me and I need it, especially right now.

Donovan got to read a bit more for me tonight and he did a lot of work on his spelling.  I was grateful we could skip the movie idea tonight and stick to reading stories.  The Narnia film was so powerful over the last three days, I think we'll be contemplating it for a another week.

I struggled with finding my voice this morning with the dry dustiness of the theatre and my lack of sleep.  I will endeavor to get to bed earlier this evening as I am now finished with my outside commitments for the week. (In other words, no more night coachings or scrambling to finish and talk through the Greek class syllabus with David late at night!!) Both Weston and Donovan are recovering from a cold, and I'm a little raspy... oh dear.

May my tomorrow be positive and risky, transparent and strong.  May my voice soar to the heavens with the freedom I crave for my own spirit in times of lonely expression.  Nine days to opening...

The end of the week...

Tonight, Donovan and I (and Weston too, a bit) made the best cookies in the world.  No doubt about it.  So soft and gooey-yummy sweet.  We emptied our stash of Halloween Reece's in the middle and oh.  There's no way to eat them fast.  They must be savored slowly with an entire glass of COLD milk.  Oh yeah.  What a great way to end a long week.  Six full days of rehearsal and costume fittings and hair stylings.  I can't stand the smell of hairspray and right now my hair is loaded with it.  It's piled high on the back of my head and has tons of pins and backcombing so I can't even gracefully take it down when rehearsal's done because then I would look like I put my finger in a light socket.

Dave's done a great job this week in helping to manage many of the meals and paying the babysitters and getting Donovan up for school.  I managed to get through most of my singing with grace and still sport a throbbing right neck.  I kept thinking it would get better on its own, but three days later I'm starting to think about massage therapy -- but when? Humm... maybe Monday.

Last night the boys made a fort out of the couch cushions and the rocking chair, then we read some "Voyage of the Dawn Treader".  The boys love weekends.  Today it was sunny early on and they enjoyed making super tunnels in a pile of dirt that got filled in over our septic.  They were so happy.  But then I sensed something in the air.  A cool north wind and a change.  I'm glad I insisted the boys bring in all their toys because the next hour brought a wicked storm with flurries!  We all paused in rehearsal to watch.  The wind whipped up the tiny crystals and dotted the window pane.  It was strange yet safe to be watching from the church with my rehearsal family and wondering about my own family back home.  Magical moments like that should be shared, but sometimes you vibe your dear ones long distance, just hoping they're noticing the same phenomenon.

For all his work, I can see Dave is tired and low.  My mentioning our participation in Sunday School tomorrow did not meet with appreciation.  Sigh.  The laundry is waiting and I can only think of one thing at a time.  

My mind flashes back to rehearsal again.  The end of week two and we're mostly off book.  It's quite a ride because we never leave the stage and go in and out of characters the whole time.  I like the challenge, though.  It's a great privilege... if only I can stay in good health and wellness!

I like Mark, our director.  I've come to find him very supportive and that is especially helpful at this time.  Now if I can just help myself release into easy freedom with the singing on a consistent basis.  I'm hearing it often, but if I get too heady, it's tough.

Thank God for this night off.

Ahhh

The sunset was strangely beautiful.  Maybe it will snow tonight?

Enough for now; time to go connect with my family and try to resist that last cookie...

Boys this way; Mommy that way...

These pics are from our walk again.  My men.  They are away in Drumheller right now as I type this on my lunch break from rehearsals.  They are away and I am here and I miss them.  This is the four week intensity time, where most of my waking hours are spent working.  It's a shift I've not made my peace with yet.  I know sometimes I'm screaming inside for a little stillness and time to do just what I want, but now that it's here, I feel kinda lost.

Winter came in upon us this morning.  Lots of frost and ice an inch thick on the puddles.  I saw a deer in a far off field this morning under the light of a full moon that had not yet gone to bed in the Western sky.  I couldn't take my eyes off it as I walked.  It grew more golden as the sun came up on the eastern horizon, and I walked right to the top of cemetery hill as the golden peach rays shone through the arch gateway.  It was cold.

Breakfast was sausage and eggs for a change.  Donovan had requested it the night before so I got up earlier than the usual "cereal for breakfast" time.  We used Grandma Meltebeke's poacher and they were just right: all dark and soft in the center with the whites slippery yet firm.  Cassidy Reinhardt, a cute girl in braids, raises the chickens on a nearby farm.

It was after breakfast when we noticed Donovan's lunch pail still sitting on the couch, and that's when David decided to drive it in to him with Weston after he taught his class.  That meant that Donovan would of course not go hungry, but it also meant that I would miss out on seeing Weston and David for lunch.  Strange.  This aloneness.  

Part of me is curious and excited for David and the boys to have so much time alone together and I long for it to be good.  Both Dave and I have been impatient with the boys over this holiday weekend.  They are a lot to compete with when they're together, and with Donovan not having school the next two days for Teacher interviews, Dave is in for it.  One is much easier than two.  Two starts to feel like three and then before you know it, you feel ganged up on and totally anemic as a parent.

I hope Dave can manage dinner too.  I'll come as soon as I can, but I'll try and prepare the taco meat and cheese.  AHHH.  A sigh of needing to let go and let Daddy do things his way, even if he forgets something because he's out of practice.  It'll be good.  We'll survive, and meanwhile I will have other opportunities to grow in rehearsal.  Theatre moves in seasons: working, not working, teaching, performing, longing for home, writing, and then domestics and longing for work again.

Here's to the men.  My men.  May they find joy in their independence and not hurt each other in the process.