Thursday, June 10, 2010

Living on fumes






I have such an appreciation for savory foods.
Any food.
Any food other than lemons and maple syrup.
I am now, for the first time in my 10 day cleanse, seriously considering breaking it on day 9.
I am longing for seasoned chicken noodle soup with fried bratwurst, like I made for the rest of my family. Ahhhh.
I have lost my gut, in a good way.
I do tend to have more energy.
I am grateful to have gotten more work done, and think and clarify, and come to appreciate things like eating much more than I used to.
But now I want solids.
Ugh.
My boys are cranky and I want to be comforted and filled by food.
Here's what I long for:
Salmon with rice
Swiss cheese on a cracker
goat cheese salad with craisens and balsamic
Any kind of lettuce
A banana
Milk
apples
Naan bread
olives
tomatoes
potatoes
waffles

And now,
What I'm grateful for:
1. Another voice job (likely). We'll discuss terms tomorrow morning.
2. A green, green, valley
3. Bunnies
4. Davey bought primer to coat our kitchen walls. (that means new paint will follow!)
5. Dave got home from rehearsal early
6. So much sunlight, that 10pm feels like 7pm
7. Birds: meadowlarks and redwing blackbirds that sing, sing, sing
8. Weston got his yellow belt in karate last night!
9. I coached an interesting scout today who loves Shakespeare, writes music, is interesting, and is a male. (good for the student ratio in Rosebud)
10. I did some good mental preparation for my play reading on Tuesday.

And... I'm still hungry.
I wonder what is best?

I'll start with mint tea and then listen to my body, REALLY close.

I know one thing I'm learning is HOW OFTEN I turn to food. I am not used to living with hunger, like so many people in the world. I satiate myself all day long when I'm home. And these days I'm almost always home.
Hunger reminds me of what I most want. What I need. And makes me grateful for all I have.
How did Jesus go 40 days? Why did the Spirit drive him to the desert? And sure, his testing happened at the very end.
The final testing before breaking the fast.
--What was being clarified for him? His calling? His identity? What he most wanted and needed?
Woman does not live on bread alone, but bread with butter, peanutbutter, jam, cheese, and mustard.
Hummm
Woman does not live on bread alone, but with a husband and children and a village full of souls.
Humm.
Woman does not live on bread alone, but on God's promises. For provision. For forgiveness. For an eternal inheritance with a heart that knows right and does right. I want that. Now I know.
I have a hunger for my soul that is stronger than my body.
And I will be filled.
After testing.
Right now I'm living on the fumes -- little whiffs of the real essence of things without really being satisfied. But my senses are sharp.


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