Thursday, June 16, 2011
Straight, stuck, and surrender
Mom, take a look. Have you ever seen me this way?
I got my hair cut, obviously, and when I was done the stylist asked how I wanted it "done". "Just leave it" I said. "O no" she says. "Then do whatever you want with it" I say. "I want to straighten it" says she. So I'm thinking, she's gonna whip out the blow dryer and make it all swoopy smooth. But no...
She whips out the steam waffle iron thingy and straightens my hair from crown to tip! Amazing! I didn't know it could be done.
I got several compliments, many which included how young I looked. Well,... it was fun for a day, but I can not invest that much time into my hair on a daily basis. I am now back to air dry and curls, but here are the pics to prove, I was once straight.
It was an interesting experiment, to change my look. To have my perception of my head, the frame of my face, and the thickness and volume of my hair so altered. I was surprised how much it tripped me out! I'd forget about it, of course, then I touch my hair and it was so slippery and soft and thin, it felt like much of it was gone!
Spring in Rosebud has been full of sun and now full of rain. I wrote last time of the delight in our little garden sprouting from seed, so I included a shot of our baby spinachs... now they're much bigger. In fact, we ate some in salad last night. Ahhhh.
I finally got out to walk the other day and I saw such a sad sight. A dead deer carcass with it's foot caught in fence. One little foot trapped and the whole animal had to remain and die there alone. How long did it take? What were it's thoughts? Why didn't anyone see or help? How long ago did it happen? Was it there all winter? How many creatures have fed on it since?
My sympathy and my anger rose in me. Why? Why would God allow one of his creatures to die such a pitiful, helpless death?
Could I bear to die that way? Would I be asked to suffer so?
Right now I am immersed in helping direct a new script for the Canadian Badlands Passion Play. I tend to arrange the 150+ crowd actors around the action of the scene. But first I must catch the vision of the story as articulated from the co-directors Royal and Barrett, then translate that vision into words and images for the many volunteers. Many of whom have never been trained in theatre, but many of whom have done this play before, more times than I...
It is a challenge.
More than I thought.
And in different ways than I thought.
I realize I am used to being in charge.
When I direct, I am THE director, and I don't have anyone looking over my shoulder or ... well... telling me what to do. I'm used to a director telling me what to do when I'm the actor, but, this is trickier.
Nonetheless, it is exciting. The script is still being revised and we are inventing it as we go. And with the new sound system in place, there's some magic that happens when action meets bentonite striped badland hills, meets humans in period garb, meets stunning underscore spilling from speakers dispersed throughout the live ampitheatre.
Which brings me back to the deer.
Jesus, in the end, died alone. He was not rescued or saved from discomfort, agony, or a sense of helplessness to save himself. He endured until he breathed his last and surrendered to God's way.
The deer didn't know the fence would trip him. His instincts didn't equip him for barbed wire. But I imagine him suffering silently, submitting to his fate. Still, I wish I had found him sooner. I wish then I had the courage to free him. I hate to think of his loved ones waiting for him to free himself, they themselves equally helpless, and then the awful reality that he must be left. It pains me. But I guess that's good.
I long to get out more.
Strange, because the weather is beckoning me, but still I sit and audition for voice overs, or manage the boys accounts, and... well, I snack... and I don't just run out of doors when I get the least urge.
I have all my limbs, and yet I'm stuck like the deer to my computer with my curiosity and desire to achieve. I have my foot caught in the desk, but I can still get out; if I don't give up my hope.
The other day I took Dave on a morning walk with me to see the pitiful creature. But for the mosquitos, it was a stunning day. I don't know if Rosebud can get more beautiful than it is right now. The sky so blue, the grass so green and everything singing and bursting with the urgency of a late spring. ('Course then, I think of the sparkly winters... but no -- ) I love whatever season is happening when it really begins. And summer is in the air. A glance out my window shows me the last rays of sun striking the clouds and it's 10:22pm!
O God, I hope to make better use of this summer energy.
Thank you for the green
Thank you for the blue
Thank you for the rain
And thank you for the new
May I be diligent with my responsibilities
And patient in my sufferings when I find myself caught.
Help me to surrender and not lose faith in your bigger purpose.
"Who for the joy set before him, suffered death, even death on a cross..."